What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 01:14
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
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We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ive learnt so much.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She married twice! .
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I waited trembling.
This is soul school!.
Why do some guys treat girls so badly?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What are some things that normal people do that religious people call sins?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Are landlords allowed to make unreasonable requests?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Was there a British ‘genocide’ of Aboriginal Australians?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it wasn’t much.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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I never cut or harmed myself..
She was in good health!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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So, i spoilt her more .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I don,t even have a pension.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was very sick at this time too.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It was going to be , some day.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were not on the streets..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She loved him until the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
All the time i was locked up.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Would this be the day?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I could never make a relationship work though!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But, we were locked up after school.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He knew the spot.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot live in the past .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She wouldn,t have been !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My family never makes their pension either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I think the readers, may guess!
I couldn’t, believe it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She found it foreign!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I write beautiful poetry .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.